Is It Because We Are Women?
A message to all aspiring leaders, genders aside.
Maybe, perhaps, I think it’s because I’m a woman… I don’t know.
It was brought to my attention the other day in an improv acting class that I have a tendency to use indecisive wording.
In the scene I was a thief who had the confidence to steal the Queen’s crown, yet was unsure about why and how I was doing it — that’s definitely not how Danny Ocean handled robbing a casino.
I can’t speak for George Clooney’s real personality, but the way I handled that scene is representative of mine.
I would rather be dubious in my answers than say something that might offend someone else or embarrass myself.
Other women in my class had similar feedback, and the idea for this post actually came to life because one of them spoke up and said,
“Do you think it’s because we are women?”
My mom, a leader in the advertising industry, has always told me her biggest weakness in business is that she wants everyone to be happy. The realization in class finally made me understand what she really meant; part of her success stems from her ability to tone that desire down and be confident in her own opinions, regardless of how others might feel.
Many famous leaders share similar traits, and there have been many studies that define what those are (e.g. this one). Self-confidence is one of them.
Science also tells us that women are more emotional than men, which brings us to another leadership characteristic that women tend to struggle with; emotional stability.
A few weeks ago I had a bout of stress hit me and I was very close to having a breakdown at work.
My first fear; I’m going to be seen as that person who can’t handle a heavy or challenging workload. My second; as a result, I won’t be given an opportunity for more challenging work in the future.
Later that day, I spoke to a friend about it and she had several very similar stories to share. What really struck a cord with me was when she said, “I’ve only cried once at work…. Well, I’ve cried several times but I’ve always made it to the bathroom”.
As feminists or simply millennials, we approach this emotional issue by asking why do we have to hide?
In a recent interview with Hillary Clinton by Humans of New York she discussed the effect of holding back emotions and seeming too ‘walled off’. As a definite leader, she exemplifies the self-confidence, and as a woman she has hidden her emotions to prevent herself from appearing emotionally unstable. What she illustrates is the need to balance our emotions. Some emotion is an advantage, but too much emotion can work against us.
In other words, it is acceptable, but in doses (just like chocolate).
Don’t get me wrong; the feminist movement is my jam. It should absolutely be acceptable on all levels, but acceptable is not the same as respectable. It’s a fine line between being admired and simply being understood.
I’m not implying that if we cry or get emotional we can’t be leaders, but there is a reason that the bathroom is a lot better audience for our tears than our coworkers.
Leaders have characteristics of being confident for a reason — would you trust someone to run a company if they broke down one day in front of the whole office because they were stressed out? Would you want them to be entrusted with the responsibility of keeping the business afloat when they themselves weren’t able to talk about it confidently?
With that said, it’s not just about females. It applies to males too — imagine Leonard from The Big Bang Theory being the CEO of a large physics lab, or Ross from Friends as President of The American Alliance of Museums (he can’t even decide who to stay married to!). Yes, these are fictional characters, but we can all compare them to our real life acquaintances.
Don’t define women with the characteristics of self-consciousness and emotional instability, and don’t define men with the characteristics of self-confidence and emotional stability. Science may imply a correlation, but one is not a prerequisite for the other.
We are all humans, we each of unique strengths and weaknesses. Not every human is the same, and neither is every leader.
But genders aside, if we aspire to lead and find certain weaknesses are holding us back, we need to strengthen them.
Whether your definition of leading is being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a project manager in a start-up, the key to any progression is to share the characteristics of those leaders you aspire to be.
We are not changing who we are, but rather taking another step in the direction we’re already heading.
So no, it’s not because we are women. It’s not because we are men. It’s because we are human. And as humans, we have the power to strengthen anything we set our minds to.
Message In A Bottle
To Aspiring Leaders:
Male, female, or anywhere in-between — if you’re going to successfully rob a casino, you can’t be a ‘Ross’. Adopt the qualities of brilliant leaders. You’re already stepping in that direction; don’t let gender stop you.
To Houses of Leaders:
That public speaking advice that says you should think of the audience naked; do that, but not literally. Strip out the genders (as society is consistently telling you to) and compare the bare qualifications. You know you want to exemplify equality; don’t let preconceptions stop you.
